there are people really trying hard to off vote my artwork here. like really. Just wow. In 2020. Jesus. Im sorry not sorry i draw anime titties or known-trademarked & copyrighted furry characters for the most of the time.

But oh well...

As like last year, i wanna goo a bit over it in some „details“ like which was my ja, this year, which games i liked & which were kinda a disappointment and stuff like.

So lets begin with the „Lists“ and the „BIG TALK“ later on – which is this year really important if you enjoy my stuff.

As for the talk after the list, this time, its REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT if you enjoy my stuff so if you might dont like the read the lists, skip to the other part.

ONE OTHER IMPORTANT PART!

Since flash player is soon „gone“, my host from the anum chaos webpage said its cosing down its doors in total, meaning, my homepage will close its doors VERY soon.

If you wanna give it a last look before its gone, go here:

<<<<< http://anumchaos.magix.net/website >>>>>

----

List #1 – Games of the year

3. EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 4.1

Yes, i got this one back this summer in sale and dotn regret buying it. Its just pur stupid fun, shooting stuff with crasy guns sometimes. Srsly, if you enjoy pur fun, you should go for one of the EDF games – even more if youre with friends.

2. Monster Hunter World

After i got my new PC this year, i was able to play this game. I normaly gave a crap about this game and the series but a friend of mine „finally“ told me more about the series and that i should give it a try (srsly, my older friends which told me about the game were not really helping in the slightest about this one...). It makes a lot fun if you play with some ppl together.

1. Warframe

I think i played warframe pretty much „A LOT“ this year so i can sure say this was te game of the year for me, even if i kinda hate to say it coz basicly the last updates pretty much ruined the fun a bit for me. I sure still play and enjoy it but its more of a „love/hate“ thing...

WORTH MENTIONING:

- Super Fancy Pants Adventure

Great game, pretty much a unknown gem.

- Halo MC collection

FINALLY ON PC!

- Toejam & Earl: Back in the Groove

I have to count that one up heh.

----

List #2 – Music of the year

3. Toejam & Earl: Back in the Groove Theme song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cw0bK0_6hbY

This was pretty much my jame for the whole beginning of the year, hyped me up for the new game and wasnt disappointed~

2. Marble Machine (Wintergartan)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvUU8joBb1Q

Tbh, i never heard from t before but as i found it i pretty much fallen in love with the idea and the song. Its nicely made and relaxing somewhat but still not so quite that you fall asleep. Really good job there.

1. Precious (Depeche Mode -WV Remix)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-BlgPzpK1g

THIS was a song i pretty much played over this year over and over and over again. I sure enjoy DPs music (the lyrics....i tell you...) a lot and „Enjoy the Silence“ is pretty much a song i would even call my theme song but THIS year, Precious pretty much was running on my MP3 player nonstop.

WORTH MENTIONING

- Digiloi music / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UNMSeS5l4k

I wish ffs i could download it somewhere, dats a good chiptune~

- Delta Heavy – Ghost / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4taIpALfAo

Clippy is not only the reason listening to this one.

- Katana Zero OST / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3qZ05kW_go

Srsly THIS game has some kick ass music!

- Andreas Bourani – Eisberg / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xhxk-XRPHgM

If you understand german you might can understand why – and MAYBE you remember that i had dranw this year a picture called „Iceberg“...

- Miami Vice C64 Remix / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxdBd38Lx80

Coz i love this one X3

----

And here we are, at the end of this year again and without walking around to long the thread, i was „this“ close at the moment to give my art up and everything about it.

Yes, you read it right, over the christmas days, which already didnt went that well, i had a mental breakdown where i asked myself mostly „why“.

Look, as i said already oh so often, i dont want fame or be a „known person“. What i sure want is some respect at least or see that it is really worth to keep going.

Right now, im at a point where i ask myself why i should keep drawing if a lot stuff i do is somewhat wrong where i cant see where i am actually wrong with it most of the times.

- The problem can NOT be with my style becourse as soon as i draw someone KNOWN, people fav it and more, saying the style is nice and that the character also looks nice.

- The problem can NOT be who i draw since sometimes, if i draw one of my characters the pictures get a lot faves, another time i draw a more known character and those get a lot faves – but of course, the more known characters sure get more faves.

- The only problem i mostly see is if it is SFW or NSFW since SFW pictures mostly get not as much faved as NSFW pictures but here again, that depends mostly from webpage to webpage.

Maybe you can already see what i was talking about:

I dont think i need to change my „style“ coz as soon as i draw krystal tittys, everyone likes it – if i draw tittys in general (MOSTLY), people like it. So what do i do wrong if its not that?

Most problem is that, even if i put a lot effort into a picture, its not worth the effort – same with games. I worked hard on Stiff Digging 2 this year with glitchydust or look at my other games like „Underfoot“.

Sure, here i can say, like with my art, everyone has a different taste and might doesnt enjoy such games i make but in the other hand, Starvixen, another game i spent good time on got hell of likes becourse krystal tittys.

Is that all what counts nowadays? Creating or drawing something which everyone else is doing like literally 90% here in the fandom (at least)?

This pretty much answers why i actually dont work on bigger games anymore, its not worth the effort or time if all i have to work on is a porn game to get attention as well as with my art so it seems becourse, guess which was the most faved picture of mine this year over a lot of my pages. A picture with krystal followed by another picture from krystal...

Im sure by now you can see why i really think about to throw the towel and stop drawing. I love drawing stuff but why should i upload them if more than from 3 / 4 of the people who actually DO WATCH AND FOLLOW ME on all my pages give a crap about the stuff im drawing? Dont belive me?

OK!

Furaffinity: 939 watchers – average views per picture: about 50

Deviantart: 428 watchers – average views per picture: about 42

Inkbunny: 249 watchers – average views per picture: about 29

Sofurry: 573 watchers – average views per picture: about 45

NEWGROUNDS: 60 watchers (since its my newest account) – average views per picture: about 60

So if we take newgrounds out of this, since its my newest account, does this numbers ring a bell~? I mean i also could go and count now up the average FAVS per picture which are, for sure, much lower than the average views if you can think straight...

I mean why do you watch my if you dont watch my art or play my games or enjoy any other stuff im doing next to it(music, old stories, etc)? I sure think that, at least on my older accounts, some of my watchers got already banned or are inactive but... “THAT MUCH”?

So yes, you might see why I DONT see a reason why i should keep doing what im doing. I enjoy drawing. I love creating games but for whom if people who watch me doesnt even care? Do they only care if i draw some titties ones in a wile? Do they really enjoy plain stupid and easy games with a touch of erotic inside? Is that all what i need to do now?

Right now, i kinda stopped beliving in the stuff im doing and duno if i really should keep up doing what i enjoy. If i enjoy it only for myself, i can keep it that way and dont need to upload them if noone enjoys the stuff anyways.

With that in mind, i actually thought about 3 opinions which could change A LOT in the future:

First would be that i “begin anew” with closing down ALL MY OLD ACCOUNTS E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E. I would create new accounts on pages where i think it would be “worth” to begin anew there, else i would just close down the account for ever and would maybe send in another journal links to my new accounts like “you can find me now here”. If i would do that, i would “reset” the counts and fake numbers of watchers i got which literally give a CRAP about my stuff if its not some krystal tittys.

The other opinion would be a bit more of a “going private” one, which means i would actually do more care about my art in a privat area – closing down ALL MY ACCOUNTS, NOT creating new ones BUT insteed open a private discord server where i would post my stuff for the people who ACTUALLY DO ENJOY MY STUFF. With that, i would relax myself way, WAY, WAYYYY more and dont need to care about account uploads and shit like. I literally would draw “just coz i can” and people who really follows/followed me since a long time can just come by and watch if they want or not. I sure would not get known that way BUT, as i said already, i give a crap about fame anyways.

The LAST opinion would actually a total towel throw out of the window. Meaning, closing down all my accounts, no discord and draw only for myself and maybe show my art my friends on the discord server(s) im on. This would actually mean, i would go totally nowhere, give the people the middle fingers everywhere and be like “fuck you guys im out~”.

All this opinions sound, at the end, like a change for me which i might need. I also thought already about to say “maybe i just need a break” which i also think i MIGHT do but that could also end up in a totall stop of drawing. The thing would be, if i would as sample change to a new account, i sure would change my “artist name”. The name “WatheAnum” (or W.A. The Anum to be total correct...) is not only a name my “fursona” originally got, my Orange fox with the long hair (the MALE ONE) but its feels kinda odd nowadays, for me, to use this name as my ARTISTsname, if you got what i try to say with it. Its not a bad name but meh, i will think about it.

Going now in depth with more numbers now and a short detail-stuff thing:

Im drawing Anum Chaos, the characters and the pictures you are (mostly) seeing now nearly 15 years (Feb 2020, it would be).

15. long. Years...

Maybe you can see now why i think i failed. I did fail. All i tried was only to give people a smile on their face or an giggle, standing out of the “typical original character” drawing so called artists and do my own thing. Was it worth it? Tell me if my most faved pictures of this year are krystal pictures...

If you have an opinion, tell me since it might be the last one.

I will try to get myself together one last time but i doubt i will keep it super long going. As i said, in february 2020, Anum Chaos will turn 15 years old. If i will keep going after this if nothing “big” changes, i doubt to be THAT honest...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYboU27HEmw

I wish everyone a happy merry christmas time. I might come back another day to leave one big and last journal for the year but for now, i leave you with this one and the best wishes for your christmas time...

I duno why but lately, the latest artworks i upload -here- on newgrounds get pretty much INSTANDLY downvoted as soon as i upload them. I know you cant see the votes now if your art get at least 5 votes but since there is a stupid exploid, others (and me too) can see the votes i get - which are kinda "bad".

I duno if its just a hater(s) who does that but that happend since now some weeks/last artworks i uploaded. if i look back at my other pictures, they are pretty ok with 2.5 - 3.5 stars and more but a bit over 2 stars with my latest picture as sample? I know i dont "improve" much but really? I dont think that this is a normal vote as i said since i often get 1-2 votes pretty much after i uploaded the picture in like the first 30 mins but no fave so i really think that some people just dont like my art and downvote it.

So in case you enjoy my art, please vote for it and help me getting the vote rating a bit up - again, only if you like my stuff, if not you dont have to of course. Thanks still

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgHXqA1irwA

Advent advent~

Im kinda a bit sorry im "already that late" with my monthly journal but i had a pretty good run with stuff as you might saw already that i drawn a lot pictures last week (every 2nd day). Reason is im in a good mood and got some ideas in mind. i try to keep this a bit longer going but might take myself a break around xmas since i need a bit time to relax :3

So yea, im kinda "ok" now and feel ok, not "super alright" but at least good. Got some ideas in mind for art, some games to play and even in my family all the stuff is kinda nearly back to "normal" now.

ONE OTHER IMPORTANT THING i want to talk about again is that I still help out Faly selling her SFW/NSFW calendar for 2020. I had a talk with her some days ago and we try to sell the calendar till end of this year. So if youre interested, go here for more infos and a sneak-a-peak. Already saying here, its really worth it and just 5 bucks.

go here:

So what else will be happen this year and what might be intresting for you guys?

As for said ART ideas, i still have some good ones

- I try to draw the bad luck kitty as for next week soon (since friday the 13~)

- a kind of Re-drawn! from a VERY old picture which i made ones for Christmas, i dont wanna say right now which but i sure enjoy the idea myself already XD

- Another Re-drawn! but with Faly~

- MAAAAAYBE a Furiotic?

As for THIS section i already try to talk abit about stuff i TRIED to do this year but either was not able to or gave up on it.

Maybe people remember i often wrote about a special project at the near beginning of this year and that i duno if i should work on it or not. This was basicly the idea to work on an actual COMIC from my Spy Vs Spy characters FUSE and Ms. FIRE. I already had something like a storyline going which pretty much shows how this both come closer and how the "enemy system" in their world works. I even had pannels and stuff in mind since i would have tried to make the WHOLE COMIC TEXTLESS - like the classic Spy Vs Spy comics.

There was even a small romantic part in it (and a bit nsfw stuff too). MAIN problem was that i would have basicly ONLY drawn this comic for at least 3-4 month, drawing nothing else but only the comic. If you know me, im a guy who sure is for quality over quantity but still wanna have stuff done fast. Look at my Spy Vs Spy game as sample: the 1.00 game was made in just 3 and a half day. I go with a game sample since people also asked me to make more "bigger games" lately.

As for Games, I already had a LOT for this year in mind but either was not able to work on them or might work on them next year, as for one sample, here is one idea i had in mind which sounds at least "funny" the more i think about it since i really thought about this one game for a long long time now

Meet Tommy & Hermann, 2 farmers who runs a bigger farm and do also a lot stuff viva biplane to get stuff for or on their fields. Hermann, the older ones of the two, is a old war veteran which tries to run his life now peaceful and quite. Tommy, for Hermann someone like his trusty arm and "could be his son", is more of an adventures day dreamer which sometimes even dreams on the fields or even at the back of the biplane.

One day, (here i dont have much details but still) a near nation declares war and Tommy & Hermann had to defend one day their farm. As one day, their farm got bombed and they nearly lost everything that day, left was a bit of their farm and, gladly, their Biplane. Hermann, as old veteran, sure knows where to keep his old trusty weapons and was ready to not only defend ones the land which was his own but was now up to revenge - sadly this old farmer was already old and not more in the state as a "fighter"... So Tommy insisted sure to help his old man, after all, the farm was something like his own home. So they had the idea to use the Biplane to fly, which would be done by Hermann, and one would be the Gunner for this, which would be tommy.

As for the game, i thought acutally something like a mix between old shootin ups + pong. The base idea was that the Biplane is something like your "base" or "paddle" wile actually the "Ball" would be Tommy with his gun. Tommy sure is not acting like a "ball" but more of a person with a parachute which jumps to the enemy planes and kepps them shooting down. Hermann is not armed well (hes the pilot and its a farmer biplane~) and so the game would act as a great 2 player coop game wile tommy would take care of the bigger planes, jumping around with his parachute wile hermann actually has to CATCH Tommy before he falls off-screen and tacking care of the maybe smaller enemys which could get tommy in his parachute with an ease.

You might can see i put some thoughts already in it X3 So maybe i work on it some day but i thought i give you the idea.

As for another game idea which i will for SURE work on, hopefully next yea, will be "Daredevil II". Daredevil 1 was ones made as hommage for all games like berzerk but as for Daredevil II, I had actually something like rouge-like gameplay in mind with stats and powerup elements. I dont wanna spoiler here to much but the work with my latest updated game with glitchydust, Stiff Digging 2, proven me that i can try to work on some bigger games and its sure worth at least a try - which was mostly the reason why i gave up on bigger games since i never really saw any worth behind. So stay tuned who knows what next ^^

I still hope you guys have a good winter time so far ^^

I already thanked some of you guys but i got so many happy birthday wishes round my accounts that i say here now thanks to all of you for comming by and dropping a comment.

As for the day, it sadly didnt went really well for me, more like a regular day where i would like to hang myself. I got no gifts or like but i bought myself cake, some booze and got the new Luigi game for my switch. So insteed of celebrating it i guess i was just sitting here, alone, drawn my latest picture i uploaded, craked open some booze and got the cake ready wile sitting on my bed and looking around aimlessly. At the nighttime i tried the said new game and had some fun with it, i sure will play luigi a bit more if im in the mood. but yea, that was pretty much my day, sadly.

again, thanks to everyone.

me, i guess.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvUU8joBb1Q

OK first of all, October was for me "not that great" tbh with you. Artwise, i sure had ideas for it somewhat and also even still have some ideas i didnt draw (like the re-drawn which i saved up for november).

Gamewise, oh boy, Stiff digging 2s update is comming its way for sure. As for a "new" game, i have something in mind i wanna try but im not sure IF it would run on flash nor html 5 since there will be a lot stuff going on on the screen and behind it.

Real life wise, i got pretty much hit with a hammer the last month. i dont eat regular, i dont sleep on a regular base, some times i nearly sleep WHOLE days, my health problem doesnt went better and my "family" pretty much gives a shit about it - literally. No im srs here that i might "celebrate" my birthday (which will be on the 6th November, just said) totally ALONE - i already got myself some frozen cake i will make ready for it. Boy, i will be pretty lonely this day i guess >>

However, i think i have some ideas i wanna draw this month so i will have at least some fun drawing. As for th list:

- The said 2 Re-Drawn pictures. i didnt forget them, it was october so i drawn other stuff for this time :P logical heh

- Another, deep emotional picture i guess?

- A birthday special picture IF i dont forget XD

Thats all i got for this month so far but im sure i got some others soon.

Next to this, Starvixen got over 10K clicks last month, its not that much but i thought i "might" update it soon with some stuff. I have SOMEthing in mind but since Faly is right now not much able to help me out (laptop problems, we still collect money for her viva her calendar! check my gallery for that!) i might have to either wait or come up with something else.

I hope at least you guys will have a happy incomming halloween in the next days and for sure had a better october time than i had. Cant wait already to eat my birthday cake all alone, yay... <<;

Do you know this letter long posts when people be like "i have to share where you can find me" and post link after link in this post?

Well i found someway which makes it kinda easy to stop spaming people with links and links and links.

Just send them a carrd.

https://watheanum.carrd.co/

(thanks to my friend who shown me this, it makes online life way easier to share)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIyX1lj6SBM

Okeyyy here we are and were should i begin...

Let be begin where i exactly think the stuff runned down the hallway.

As i said i finally got myself a new PC, which works fine dont worry. The problem seems like that more my Dad didnt like the idea that i got a New PC and "some" of the money from "strangers from the internet" (quoting my dad~).

Since we pretty much are not really "that close" and the last day are...kinda hell here, sometimes. Which more or less means, stress every day.

Ok here i have to finally talk a bit more about the situation:

As i said so often, i have some health problems, making me unable to work which "might" change in spring next year, which also means "moving out" is something i cant effort just by "doing" it. I know i would get some stuff "paid" but its not that easy and way more complex if youre not able to work or have such health problems - and thats what my dad doesnt "WANT" to understand.

Next to this, he also doesnt like what im doing nor does he really care - like my drawing, creating games or like, which feels like he really thinks im just a "useless shit" (trust me he said worse already).

Anyways, right now (past half the month~), its more the "silent stalemate" here and thing are going "slowly" to be normal, i hope.

But wile that is just ONE part of the mess, the other one would be that i also got pretty sick the last day.

I have sleep problems, headache, i cant breath pretty good (cough and sneeze/mild flu), my right ear went NEARLY totally derf - i have a lot problems heh...I love my luck... <<;

But yes, you can pretty much see here i sure wanted to draw something but the last days, i just kissed the bed blanket - i even slept nearly some whole days whats how bad i was feeling.

Nowadays, im still a bit sick and the dad problem doesnt make it any better but i sure try to "survive".

But yea, since october is around the corner rolling - and i give a fuck about "inktober" since im a free thinking person - i have collected some ideas over my sick days in the bed:

- FIRST OF ALL, about some games of mine:

-- Starvixen got a small update some days ago which fixed some intern errors with spawnrates and like (Version 1.0.55). You shouldnt lose your saves (if you know what i mean~~~) so you should download the new version.

-- The work on the new version of Stiff Digging 2 is in the final phase. Well, kinda. My dude works on it and its, right now, mostly just small bugs to fix and stuff to do. The hardest problem might be that it will work not really good on flash or H5 so we might ending up with a full download - WHICH in the end would be still nice since on that base we could do way more with the game - STILL, we dont know yet and i dont spoiler anything here.

AS FOR ART

I have some ideas like

- A Spy vs Spy cosplay picture for the halloween time

- I also thought about i might draw another halloween picture with Lemina, a tiny and cute one. I mean, come on, why not? :D

- Somber, for suuuuure~ :3

- 2 (at least) Re-drawn pictures ^^

So i hope you guys had and will have a better time then me here heh...