I know, i know, its being a hot min that i wrote another journal - infact, normally i would say i write ones per month but as of late, i dont feel the urge or need to write one.

No offense, maybe im just getting lazy, i duno.

Anyways with that out of the way, I sure wish everyone a merry christmas. Hope youre healthy and well. get some nice gifts and be surrounded by your beloved ones ^^

wish you some happy holidays hehehehe :D

Is it time already? Is another year gone by? Seems like it.

Do i feel older?

Eh, i guess with the old comes the knowledge of ignoring those day.

Duno, back in the day i was super happy when ever my B-Day was about to happen, nowadays i think i just wish to be over soon.

*shrug*

Duno, i guess i can only hope to be a good one ^^;

Before i begin, i actually fiddled a bit around with AI music so i let AI create this Cover Album, feel free to listen it...actually did turn pretty oddly well XD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPtQ4g3bHeM​

WELL, october is over and srs to say i think i did well with the cosplays and went already some other projects, one of them is my birthday i guess. XD

Another would finally be a game i wanna work on - for real. I hope i can find the time to work on it soonish.

And well, else i dont have something "newish" to say here, only that i fiddled around with the Music AI thing there, just for shits n giggles.

If you have a word or comment, feel free to leave one X3

I kinda didnt know where to put this - its also a bit of a "mature/adult" topic (i would say) and since it also effects me in some kinda way of, well, "my stuff" im doing, I Had to go on with this

To understand what im talking about, go and watch this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZnOXVMCuw8

You see, As much as of course this "is" a...well, "that" kind of channel, hes basically right in the core here.

Its nowadays more and more teasing or original designs from female (AND male) characters - mostly even the one unintented - are nowdays getting a problem, not just because people begin to get prude but also seem like way to easy offended by a slight sight of boob or similar.

The video shown some good samples, infact, the changes look not "bad" but looking at the original literally next to it, it looks really off and not. Of course, not bad - i mean at least they "didnt cut off her boobs" like in the latest Series (yes, remember i made a post about it already back in the day as well: https://www.deviantart.com/watheanum/art/Thanks-sociality-934699595 ) but again, it looks like "slighty weird".

Most noticable - her suit pulled up in the back.

Yes, im not really talking here "only" about the change to basically "put HER "bags" up in a plastic bag" but more about the really...REALLY weird change about the back of her suit.

...Rouge...is a bat.

She "has" to have a bit of an open back.

Now i give you a minute here to fffffffucking think about it "why", i gave you SOME hint there.

She, has FREAKING WINGS. Srsly, The change "had" to be done for the "nowadays standart" but i have to say, yes, it looks off, it looks bad, it clips, it looks like someone tried to put a bandage on a deeper fleshwound, IT DOESNT FIT. IT SHOULDNT BE. EVERYONE can see its cliping BADLY for srsly whatever reason.

Also in the middle of the video, the interview there had ONE great line which stood out for me which is really freaking right:

"Its like an absolute god... An evil disguised as good" and yes, thats how it really feels.

It feels like people try to force their ideals on other people now - and yes, i mean by force.

Everyone has a different standard and even i sure complain about other peoples, what they are doing and stuff like, BUT -

You cant FORCE them to change them only because its YOUR change of habit.

A sample for that: Im from germany. We eat our foods mostly with either spoons, knifes and, of course, a fork. Now going forward, let me travel to an asia place, let it be china or japan, you know, something that area. People there, to my knowledge, mostly ear their food with sticks, right? So there, im a guest of the land, so i should try to take over THEIR habits right? I mean sure, as guest, i might can also ask for a fork BUT i cant force them to eat now their food with forks as well ONLY because of me, right?

Right~?

The other thing was also about the violence-factor in games and since, again, im from germany, oh boy do i have some GREAT samples for that!

Like years ago, maybe the name "Postal 2" rings a bell. If not, here a steam trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWJOXuqVcAc

Back in he day (and STILL up to this day), this game in germany is FULLY B A N N E D here. It counts as one of the most violent games out there with not just over-the-top violence but also is basically really humiliating in many MANY cases. You cant official get it ANYWHERE in germany - up to this day, its fully banned. Not promoted anywhere - even on steam, if youre from germany, its blocked in the country.

How lets go some years forward... Gears of War 1. Im sure some more people know about this game since its even up to this day a pretty well known series - but at the beginning... Yep, again, germany and their rules striked again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgGcYRuihWs

It was not "as hard as" Postals 2 fade but "BASICALLY" similar: It was not compliedly banned but also could NOT be advertised and ONLY be sold "behind counters" - which means you HAD to personally A S K for it. But hears the deal: Even if you COULD "somehow" get the game and the stores "DID" sell it to you, it was STILL a "EU-CUTTED" version, NOT the 100% original uncutted one. So it got no real name in germany till actually part 3 was out here.

And now, look at what we can get over here in germany.

NOT cutted.

COMPLIEDLY in the open, even on steam.

FREE to buy without compliecations - even ADVERTISED, IN THE OPEN, to A L L adults A N D childs and like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SGiI0_AA4o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwSbcO9FHgI

And here comes EVERYONE who complains now about a little bit of bat boob or similar.

Srsly, i already made a similar post back in the day and it went already so far with fictional AND non-fictional (real) characters which either had a change like Lola bunny, got banned like jessica rabbit or literally cut out from the reboot like minerva mink.

Srsly, do you guys think thats normal nowadays?

No. No, its not.

Back in the day, the differ here in EU and USA was mostly the Violence and sexual stuff from all things. Here in germany, as sample, we were a bit more open about "sensual" and "sexual teasefull" ("classy") stuff wile of course, violence was basically a no go. USA? the total differ. There could basically be blood everywhere but as soon as you "MIGHT" see a little bit of boobs, BAM, it will get 18+ listed.

Youre not believing me?

I have only ONE thing to say about if youre old enough, else try to google it and than you might just have to nod in agreement with me here compliedly and can just shake your head about how stud, stubborn and prude our snowflakes just become over the last years - and again, if you dont know it, google it.

Ladys and Gentlemen,

"gta san andreas hot coffee mod"

Thats all.

Feel free to leave a comment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVtJGobSZKM

I wanna do myself a small "gift" since my birthday is soon-ish. So i thought i might save some money for a commission.

Heres the twist though...

I have no idea who i should commission.

The thing is:

What i "want" is a drawn picture from my SPIES Fuse & Ms Fire and most people either dont know the origins 60s or, well, dont draw such figures i guess.

So in that case, its more that im looking for someone who would actually "LIKE" to draw them so i dont have to shove it down their spine and "force" them to do something they might only do for money (aka, im really looking for someone who would infact enjoy to draw them rather than just "doing it because money", if the message is more clear :D ).

So if youre intrested, send me a note or leave a comment - or maybe you know a spy vs spy fan and s/he would enjoy to draw them, would be nice to know ^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QV5p1UmgCA

Being a wile i created a new journal so lets begin with some stuff, shall i?

First of all, As of late here in my house i think i began i trend with nerf guns. Yes, i know, such stuff are of course "kids toys" but as odd as it sounds AND is, its fun here in the house that even the "Workers" began to enjoy such guns. In fact, my friend and me began this trend with some smaller guns, now a lot people in this household srsly want said guns - infact by now we have like 4+ people which got more guns and sure 2 more which already want some. Funny for us, we try also to get bigger ones buuuut right now i lack the money for that ^^; (more about that later) Still, fun to see people enjoy the simple things around here.

Next, yes, Atari from A L L the people began to "enjoy" my games - mostly my "Daredevil" Series and the "+MINUS" remake i made. They enjoy it because of the arcade-ish nature and "the resamblence of the old classic just with enough modern twists to enjoy them even as old-school gamer"

From all the people, Atari enjoys my stuff kinda honors me a bit ^^

I mean, i agree that the +MINUS remake can be really enjoyable for a longer time because of the simple nature and even Daredevil 1, as simple as it is, feels a lot like the classic Berzerk wile Daredevil 2 sure is a great sequal (sadly a lot underrated still (not just my words here)). Even my other, older games like the Spy Vs Spy remake still gets a lot upvotes up to this day since "there was nothing else like that and it captures the gameplay of the 80s classic perfektly".

Said that if you wanna enjoy my games, you can check them out on my Gamejolt or Newgrounds here:

https://gamejolt.com/@WAtheAnum

https://watheanum.newgrounds.com/

AS for "new" games, i do have (at least) 2 in mind i wanna finish someday but right now, i dont find the time for it (mostly because either my art or rl keeps me buzy). SO stay tuned for those.

As for other news, yea, as usual, im living short on money as usual. Its not like that i "waste" my money, infact i try hardcore to save it where i can. I have to think about some stuff or might even offer commissions (I F  W A N T E D). In November, i will have my birthday (6th!) so i try to save up some money.

SAID THAT, yes, Falys Birthday was also yesterday (20th OCT!). SHe had no time for it so far but told me already some "stuff" will follow so if you enjoy her 3D stuff, stay tuned for that in the next days ("hopefully").

Else...

I think im fine?

I duno, i still draw and try to finish this years Halloween pictures - i already have the cosplays in mind and need to finally top it of with our lovely "bad bat"~

I hope i can all finish that and will feel better about my mental state soon ^^; Life kinda sucks a bit right now so...yea, might hope it will be better soon...heh ^^;;;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HqyEfYE8Vw

It actually being a wile i did create a journal and wrote some stuff down.

Being honest with all of you, i got a lot of thinking lately and its also september, by now, which is overall not a "good" time for me. Around this time (very soon in fact...) my dad would have had his birthday if...well... hes did die some years ago and than the fact that just some days after, a good friend of mine died some years ago as well... makes the time for me pretty hard right now.

The last years, i went through a lot shit, being honest with you. like, literally all the last years, i lost either something big OR someone "big" to me.

My father, good friends, my dog, my family home...

That i need a moment for myself around this time is... i think somewhat... you know...

Overall, this stuff keeps right now "nagging" on my motivation and daily work (and similar). as of late, i dont feel well - not because of "im sick/ i have in infection" or something... its more my mental state right now. depression can be a bitch if you wanna call it that way.

I do have some ideas but you might noticed already, art (or my stuff in general) is kinda slow by now so i hope that excuses my "state" right now.

I know, i dont have to tell you guys everything basically since i only do my stuff for me and the people which enjoy it - i still think the ones which DO watch me, follow my stuff and enjoy it should know about.

Next to my mental state, im also worried about my money right now. Yes, its odd to say but as of right now, im r e a l l y running low on my money i even saved up.

I still can get myself food on the table and pay the bills but... yea, thats basically it. Im in dire need of a new mobile phone as for one sample but cant get one new (or even second-hand) one right now since i dont have the money for it - same as for other stuff i dont even wanna mention here.

Next to this, since i "had to" move out of my said lost family home...

I had no contact to my said "rest" of the family, they basically left me sitting here with no help from their side... and its not like i tried to contact my brothers, sister and mother... if it was viva text on mobile or letters, i got no answer so far like they are basically happy that im "where i am" right now, i guess.

This...is kinda depressing being honest... and than that all the other stuff adds up to this "so great" situation... i mean you can see that i might need a "good rest" but than there are my money problems which already let me not sleep well... good i think i need to think about the situation but yea...

I will try to "go and get up" over the next days i guess, as i said i do have ideas for art and even a good game (though if not the said money or time problems) but i have to clear and cheer myself up i guess.

If you wanna help me, again, every comment is welcome - or if you really wanna, i dont beg for that but a donation would be grateful of course. i do have a paypal ( dark120@gmx.net ) or my Ko-Fi ( https://ko-fi.com/watheanum ) if you really help me out with a tip. Not asking for it nor forcing but again, would be helpful of course.

Hope everyone of course has a better time than me right me ^^ Stay tuned :3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwTH-l2p6eI

As for June, it went by pretty fast for me though, we already have july and im like wth.

Well i got some bigger problems "again" with one of my legs but it will heal, i hope.

So health wise, iiiim a bit on the recover side.

ARTwise, i think im save to say im over my artblock.

The small furiotic series will still go strong for some pictures. i still have some poses for it and by now, it basically replaces a super O L D comic idea i ones had.

Fact even, people asked me lately if i would not draw a comic because it suits the characters.

LONG ago, i made one ones already but it was just a lot work - already back than. Thinking about to make a comic N O W with the style AND work i would do right now, it would take a long long time to finish and im not sure if either i would enjoy that nor people if they have to "wait" for me to see what happens next in over a period of months.

THOUGH, as for said old adult comic i ones made, you still can read the old stuff on my FA account where i collected it:

https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/watheanum/folder/325280/LL-Comic-2009-NSFW (again its an ADULT comic)

I got sure some other nice n sexy n cute ideas i will draw as soon as im done with the furiotic series, just saying.

I also got an idea for a new game i might try to work on another day. to leave a HINT:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zx-jCiz6XMY

1. Im having a hardcore artblock right now. First of all, it might be because next week it will be the death-date from my dad. the 3rd year in fact and yea, i miss him still a bit. i think it will always hit me hard around this days.

But yea, i have kinda an art block and try not to "force" myself so art might be slow for a wile when ever i "do" get an idea for something to draw.

and

2. Im in need of a new avatar XD

Right now im using a joke avatar from a YT video i found but i dont really wanna stay with it. Im known, as of late, to have one of my Spies as Avatar and it would be nice if someone maybe could do me a new one. animated would be best tbh and of course i would pay some for it (of course, NOT animated wouldnt be bad either just to tell). So if you wanna give it a try OR do know someone who could create me a new one, be my guest!

:3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix3WVxFzW_M

First things first

First, as of right now im not just low on money but my health problems came back. keeping it short as of right now i have some backproblems and actual Lymphedema. Im working on it but this will be a progress to work on.

Next, Im having problems with my mobile phone and i might be of need in donations (the addition that i have to get medicin on a good base and have to pay them makes is also a harder part...) so if youre so free you can always donate me some money viva my ko-fi here: https://ko-fi.com/watheanum

Since this all is happening, im also running low on ideas on what i could draw - hinting said artblock from my other journal already. I do have 1 more idea for the special friday this comming week but than im basically dry. I try to keep some ideas i got already in mind but not to many were useful. might need to take a pause on that, duno yet.

------

And now we miiiiight take a big one, the big one in the room and i have to be honest here.

As of the last years, i think (and at least on DA), i know i had to post something because i had to get something of my chest and it came always out missunderstood and in a wrong way.

I tr to sound right this time and people might will get confused of it but i will explain:

I DONT hate Pridemonth but i do hate the people which "celebrate" it.

I had to get this of my chest because i know some people were always confused from my side of this because i do have friends which are lesbians, gay, trans or bi - I mean best fact is that SL-Faly IS really bisexual and i knew her for a very very VERY long time by now and i dont care what she is or what shes doing in her bed time.

This is the problem - "i dont care".

I dont care of that because why should i? If you have a good time with a male, female or what ever in you bed, why should anyone care, right? This is the thing to many people in pridemonth "do" make a fuzz about, the sexuallity part - but wasnt pridemonth ORIGINALLY made that people with different sexuallity are handled equal? - ALL equal to be fair?

This is the part im talking about.

As of late, "pridemonth" feels not anymore as for what it was used for, that said people with different sexuallities are handled all the same like most peoples standard "hetro" people.

This is something respect because, as i said, i dont care what people are and so should you. Again, who should care what and who they love in their bedtime anyway (well, as long as its not a crime of course)?

But heres the problem

As i said, as of late, pridemonth feels more like a "thing" used like Valentines day for advertising and commercial - rainbow flag everywhere just because, it literally has even no meaning behind it. just "bang" a rainbow flag up and tell the people in your store youre also "pride" and make good advertising.

This...has nothing to do with the origins of pridemonth anymore - and yes, i hate it.

I hate this part because people overdo it - and in germany its worse.

As i said, i do respect people which "DO" fight in pridemonth to be equally handled by the society...

...but why do people over do it "SO" much that people which are hetrosexual feel also somewhat "suppressed"?

Again, Respect for the people which work their asses of to be equally handled by said society but showing their asses around, waving their dicks around or having sex on the streets so "everyone" can see that they indeed ARE "gay" or "Lesbians" or what ever...think about what youre doing there. Do you really think that will add something to your scoreboard other than that you "showed" those "different people" who has "other kind of sex"?

No, seriously, that doesnt help. Not in the slightest - and thats why people WORLD WIDE began to actually hate pridemonth.

As i said, i dont hate pridemonth because, again, everyone should be handled equal and with that said EVERYONE should be handled equal - gay people, lesbians, bi sexuals - even hetrosexuals.

But why it comes that even the sexuallity-flag for hetros is literally...black and white? This feels like a remark, a sign which shows that hetros are monotone, the bad people.

This is what i mean and talk about: If said "pride" people want to be handled equally, shouldnt they also be equal as well to everyone else? How it comes that "we", since im hetrosexual, are marked with a colorless flag if we are all the same people at the end? You love your lover, what else is the differ? the gender? the skincolor? Srsly, why and who should care about that? Arent we all equal at the end?

So why the flag thing? I really feel like, sometimes, i did something wrong BECAUSE im hetrosexual - wile again, i respect everyone with different sexuallity.

I know i did write now a wall of text but than, you have to becareful nowadays what you say because people EASILY missunderstand so ones again:

there is, form my side at least, no problem for me about pridemonth - as long as you do in pridemonth "that" for what it was intentionally "invented", fight for your rights to be equally handled in our nowadays society.

But you use pridemonth only to...

- literally make advertising or commercial business with it

- dont really "fight" for your rights but insteed only "show off" what kind of sex you do normally

- dont really WANT an equally between sexuallities and literally judge every other sexuallity or hetrosexuals only because they are "seen" as "normal people" in nowadays society

- use said month only as weapon for your own problems in nowadays society and blame it on others

Than no, i dont like it.

We are all humans, we should be equally handled, no matter what gender, size, skincolor what ever "borders" you think exists. I dont care.

Im maybe "just" a "stupid" hetrosexual guy now here but again, most friends which are not hetro are with me there. Some even do fight still to be handled equally and i even support them and i hope people understand my opinion there.

SHOULD there still be something wrong or missunderstood, feel free to leave a comment and we can talk it out. Again, im also sorry if there "might" be something written wrong, reminder im german and not perfectly writting/speaking english so i really only hope the said wall of text makes sense.

thanks for understanding and reading.