As like last year, i wanna goo a bit over it in some „details“ like which was my ja, this year, which games i liked & which were kinda a disappointment and stuff like.
So lets begin with the „Lists“ and the „BIG TALK“ later on – which is this year really important if you enjoy my stuff.
As for the talk after the list, this time, its REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT if you enjoy my stuff so if you might dont like the read the lists, skip to the other part.
ONE OTHER IMPORTANT PART!
Since flash player is soon „gone“, my host from the anum chaos webpage said its cosing down its doors in total, meaning, my homepage will close its doors VERY soon.
If you wanna give it a last look before its gone, go here:
<<<<< http://anumchaos.magix.net/website >>>>>
List #1 – Games of the year
3. EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 4.1
Yes, i got this one back this summer in sale and dotn regret buying it. Its just pur stupid fun, shooting stuff with crasy guns sometimes. Srsly, if you enjoy pur fun, you should go for one of the EDF games – even more if youre with friends.
2. Monster Hunter World
After i got my new PC this year, i was able to play this game. I normaly gave a crap about this game and the series but a friend of mine „finally“ told me more about the series and that i should give it a try (srsly, my older friends which told me about the game were not really helping in the slightest about this one...). It makes a lot fun if you play with some ppl together.
I think i played warframe pretty much „A LOT“ this year so i can sure say this was te game of the year for me, even if i kinda hate to say it coz basicly the last updates pretty much ruined the fun a bit for me. I sure still play and enjoy it but its more of a „love/hate“ thing...
- Super Fancy Pants Adventure
Great game, pretty much a unknown gem.
- Halo MC collection
FINALLY ON PC!
- Toejam & Earl: Back in the Groove
I have to count that one up heh.
List #2 – Music of the year
3. Toejam & Earl: Back in the Groove Theme song
This was pretty much my jame for the whole beginning of the year, hyped me up for the new game and wasnt disappointed~
2. Marble Machine (Wintergartan)
Tbh, i never heard from t before but as i found it i pretty much fallen in love with the idea and the song. Its nicely made and relaxing somewhat but still not so quite that you fall asleep. Really good job there.
1. Precious (Depeche Mode -WV Remix)
THIS was a song i pretty much played over this year over and over and over again. I sure enjoy DPs music (the lyrics....i tell you...) a lot and „Enjoy the Silence“ is pretty much a song i would even call my theme song but THIS year, Precious pretty much was running on my MP3 player nonstop.
- Digiloi music / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UNMSeS5l4k
I wish ffs i could download it somewhere, dats a good chiptune~
- Delta Heavy – Ghost / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4taIpALfAo
Clippy is not only the reason listening to this one.
- Katana Zero OST / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3qZ05kW_go
Srsly THIS game has some kick ass music!
- Andreas Bourani – Eisberg / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xhxk-XRPHgM
If you understand german you might can understand why – and MAYBE you remember that i had dranw this year a picture called „Iceberg“...
- Miami Vice C64 Remix / https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxdBd38Lx80
Coz i love this one X3
And here we are, at the end of this year again and without walking around to long the thread, i was „this“ close at the moment to give my art up and everything about it.
Yes, you read it right, over the christmas days, which already didnt went that well, i had a mental breakdown where i asked myself mostly „why“.
Look, as i said already oh so often, i dont want fame or be a „known person“. What i sure want is some respect at least or see that it is really worth to keep going.
Right now, im at a point where i ask myself why i should keep drawing if a lot stuff i do is somewhat wrong where i cant see where i am actually wrong with it most of the times.
- The problem can NOT be with my style becourse as soon as i draw someone KNOWN, people fav it and more, saying the style is nice and that the character also looks nice.
- The problem can NOT be who i draw since sometimes, if i draw one of my characters the pictures get a lot faves, another time i draw a more known character and those get a lot faves – but of course, the more known characters sure get more faves.
- The only problem i mostly see is if it is SFW or NSFW since SFW pictures mostly get not as much faved as NSFW pictures but here again, that depends mostly from webpage to webpage.
Maybe you can already see what i was talking about:
I dont think i need to change my „style“ coz as soon as i draw krystal tittys, everyone likes it – if i draw tittys in general (MOSTLY), people like it. So what do i do wrong if its not that?
Most problem is that, even if i put a lot effort into a picture, its not worth the effort – same with games. I worked hard on Stiff Digging 2 this year with glitchydust or look at my other games like „Underfoot“.
Sure, here i can say, like with my art, everyone has a different taste and might doesnt enjoy such games i make but in the other hand, Starvixen, another game i spent good time on got hell of likes becourse krystal tittys.
Is that all what counts nowadays? Creating or drawing something which everyone else is doing like literally 90% here in the fandom (at least)?
This pretty much answers why i actually dont work on bigger games anymore, its not worth the effort or time if all i have to work on is a porn game to get attention as well as with my art so it seems becourse, guess which was the most faved picture of mine this year over a lot of my pages. A picture with krystal followed by another picture from krystal...
Im sure by now you can see why i really think about to throw the towel and stop drawing. I love drawing stuff but why should i upload them if more than from 3 / 4 of the people who actually DO WATCH AND FOLLOW ME on all my pages give a crap about the stuff im drawing? Dont belive me?
Furaffinity: 939 watchers – average views per picture: about 50
Deviantart: 428 watchers – average views per picture: about 42
Inkbunny: 249 watchers – average views per picture: about 29
Sofurry: 573 watchers – average views per picture: about 45
NEWGROUNDS: 60 watchers (since its my newest account) – average views per picture: about 60
So if we take newgrounds out of this, since its my newest account, does this numbers ring a bell~? I mean i also could go and count now up the average FAVS per picture which are, for sure, much lower than the average views if you can think straight...
I mean why do you watch my if you dont watch my art or play my games or enjoy any other stuff im doing next to it(music, old stories, etc)? I sure think that, at least on my older accounts, some of my watchers got already banned or are inactive but... “THAT MUCH”?
So yes, you might see why I DONT see a reason why i should keep doing what im doing. I enjoy drawing. I love creating games but for whom if people who watch me doesnt even care? Do they only care if i draw some titties ones in a wile? Do they really enjoy plain stupid and easy games with a touch of erotic inside? Is that all what i need to do now?
Right now, i kinda stopped beliving in the stuff im doing and duno if i really should keep up doing what i enjoy. If i enjoy it only for myself, i can keep it that way and dont need to upload them if noone enjoys the stuff anyways.
With that in mind, i actually thought about 3 opinions which could change A LOT in the future:
First would be that i “begin anew” with closing down ALL MY OLD ACCOUNTS E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E. I would create new accounts on pages where i think it would be “worth” to begin anew there, else i would just close down the account for ever and would maybe send in another journal links to my new accounts like “you can find me now here”. If i would do that, i would “reset” the counts and fake numbers of watchers i got which literally give a CRAP about my stuff if its not some krystal tittys.
The other opinion would be a bit more of a “going private” one, which means i would actually do more care about my art in a privat area – closing down ALL MY ACCOUNTS, NOT creating new ones BUT insteed open a private discord server where i would post my stuff for the people who ACTUALLY DO ENJOY MY STUFF. With that, i would relax myself way, WAY, WAYYYY more and dont need to care about account uploads and shit like. I literally would draw “just coz i can” and people who really follows/followed me since a long time can just come by and watch if they want or not. I sure would not get known that way BUT, as i said already, i give a crap about fame anyways.
The LAST opinion would actually a total towel throw out of the window. Meaning, closing down all my accounts, no discord and draw only for myself and maybe show my art my friends on the discord server(s) im on. This would actually mean, i would go totally nowhere, give the people the middle fingers everywhere and be like “fuck you guys im out~”.
All this opinions sound, at the end, like a change for me which i might need. I also thought already about to say “maybe i just need a break” which i also think i MIGHT do but that could also end up in a totall stop of drawing. The thing would be, if i would as sample change to a new account, i sure would change my “artist name”. The name “WatheAnum” (or W.A. The Anum to be total correct...) is not only a name my “fursona” originally got, my Orange fox with the long hair (the MALE ONE) but its feels kinda odd nowadays, for me, to use this name as my ARTISTsname, if you got what i try to say with it. Its not a bad name but meh, i will think about it.
Going now in depth with more numbers now and a short detail-stuff thing:
Im drawing Anum Chaos, the characters and the pictures you are (mostly) seeing now nearly 15 years (Feb 2020, it would be).
15. long. Years...
Maybe you can see now why i think i failed. I did fail. All i tried was only to give people a smile on their face or an giggle, standing out of the “typical original character” drawing so called artists and do my own thing. Was it worth it? Tell me if my most faved pictures of this year are krystal pictures...
If you have an opinion, tell me since it might be the last one.
I will try to get myself together one last time but i doubt i will keep it super long going. As i said, in february 2020, Anum Chaos will turn 15 years old. If i will keep going after this if nothing “big” changes, i doubt to be THAT honest...