https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cg4CCy2kbuA

As of late people might noticed that there is not just a lack of art from me but also the lack of comments and journals overall.

This is hard to explain overall without getting into a long long wall of text which im sorry already here in the beginning but i think i should begin to split beans now so i have this finally of my chest in all honesty.

I cant anymore...

The last months broke me hard that im just done for. "My world" around me broke so fast that im down on my nervs and everything changed so fast that basically i forgot one thing over the time and yes, i use the word "time" here in the meaning of this:

I forgot how it is if you get old.

2 years ago, watchers might remember, i lost my dad all of a sudden. Up to this day we dont really know why and it wasnt his age (since we are on the topic). Since than, the place here isnt the same anymore. My mom fent basically in deep sorrow in such bad way that shes now not here anymore in our family home but in a care-taker place.

Shes fine, for the state shes in but since shes now in said place, we have to sell our home. you FAMILY home. The home we builded 30 years now and live our lifes there. Which means: I have to move out and with my mental state, deep depression, literal panic-attacks, social fear and all the stuff which also gets on me and my back...yea, you can guess that if i sit down in a corner and just hope that the sun goes down soon and cry for help into a wall which noone hears anyway is basically a mental state i dont wish someone right now.

Next to this, i have now money problems because im basically working now as 2nd class worker because of all the problems i have. In germany, a "2nd class worker" means for the most that people are stupid, retarded, stupid or "handicapped".

Its not that im stupid or said handicapped in the way of "my brain doesnt work" - again, im 2nd class worker now because my life and literal mind is so broken that i need help with it and i dont care to admit that basically my life situation (as of right now) is broken.

Though, comming back to this money problem, this also means i work basically for nearly nothing and have to get money from the sozi (im sure germans know what i mean). Adding that i basically "just began" and that my whole world around me literally collapses with the lost of my family home i lived basically my whole life in, now suddendly have to move out and i have the feeling that my whole family is breaking appart...

...

Yea...i think you can see im in a "pickle" right now, to say it in a short way.

Mental state: compliedly broken. had at least 2 total collapses of my nervs, 3 panic attacks and my depression let me down nearly all day now.

Money: Im glad if i might get some right now. I have to wait and call the guys over at the sozi if they finally got my collapses documents - till, it means i might have barely any money for food right now.

State of family: Basically gone. My half brother which still lives with me in the family home (till its sold) already found a new place to live wile i have to wait for answers for my "application for outpatient living" or how ever you call it...

And even now, i have discord drama as well.

As of late, you might saw it as well, i was a member of a community server were basically the admin went totally nuts and witch hunted me and a friend of mine out of it.

The problem is we have even prove and i try to explain it shorty since im right now again of the vains to just collapse here on my chair:

Basically it was told this, let me copy paste the parts:

1. "He stated on multiple occasions that he was told under 18 accounts could see his stream but didn't care because it was his art. We pulled him aside after this got out of hand due to multiple people stating discomfort and disgust by his actions."

This is a lie for everyone who knew the situation. I did ask the said admin AND the OWNER of the said discord if i could (and should) stream my stuff there - i got their permission AND always did stream, if it was NSFW, in a closed VC so only people which were 18+ could join it. Problem was, if you know how discord works, if you hover over someones name if said person is streaming, you could see a small "preview" picture what they are streaming on discord and this is a problem discord has which i cant work or tackle. After we found out about this problem, the said witchhunting admin talked to me and i agreed to stop streaming "for the greater good" since this small-preview thing is a thing we couldnt change and minors "could" potentionally see stuff they shouldnt. I never got a warning for it now did someone told me something about it - in fact everyone which was watching my streams enjoyed the art AND were there to watch them free-will.

2. "His second strike was issued due to extremely racist comments made in a server VC. It was myself, [Friendsname] W.A and [Some one else] (Who was deafened due to being AFK) We were playing DBD (Dead by day light) in the corn field map and what felt like out of the blue, [FN again] says something along the lines of [SOmething WAY to racist which had something to do with "cotton field" which was actually never said, you will see soon why] W.a proceeded to laugh and agree with this comment taking it to the next level stating that it was [Again, nope, to much racist]."

This is something which i have to clear up since this one was hurting the most. Said witch hunting admin was claiming, basically, that me and a friend of mine were EXTREAMELY racist wile we played a game. This never happend since said "Some one Else" which was there, is someone the admin basically used against us, a mole so to say or, someone which got bribed from said witch hunting admin to work against us. And the biggest problem about all of this is: noone ever said something racist because me and my friend have friends which are either having another sexuality or are "colored".

And said here, just for a state of fact: Can i tell you guys here that i hate the therm "colored"? I mean we are all humans after all, why should i care if a friend of mine is white, black, green or what ever skin color? Like why is this even a thing anyway? I mean i understand "why" but what i mean is i just hate to call people out by there skin color and im sure not racist - i have literally friends which have different skin colors so yea...

Same with my said friend here, he also has friends with other different skin colors and sexualitys which i also have. i mean do i literally have to call out FALY here which is literally Bi and i know her for like over 15 years for sure by now? Just to say that again the admin literally was just trying to pull something on us we cant sadly disprove but here is a thing so you understand:

We might cant disprove that but the said admin was with us already in another vc with more people and i was playing "payday 2". In said game, you can use a "viper grenade" - basically a poisen nate if you wanna call it and im one of the people which likes to enjoy to use said nate. SOME people called me out in the VC like "Of course the german is GASSING the people and even enjoys it..."

Guess what the admin was doing: Jackshit.

So of course, basically, said admin gives me a strike and my friend for something we "might" have said but can not even be prooven but if we all are together in one vc with others, its ok so it seems to use "casual racisim" and the admin does nothing. There you see, how "this admins" logic works. Also just to add something which i also already explained: a wile ago, i didnt even KNOW what the word "cotton field" even means, i literally HAD to LOOK IT UP. SO why should i laugh about something i didnt even understand in the first place~?

Anyway, i live this up for the people if they REALLY believe in this whole story because i have a lot people in the internet which sure know im either racist nor sexist lols.

As for the last strike and this is a great one i already made jokes on MY discord, yes, i have also a discord i will link at the end if you wanna join.

3. "W.As third and final strike was due to him breaking his first strikes agreement, drawing a sexualised image in Jamspace with 5-6 minors present at the time. More than 5 people either sent a dm to staff or voiced discomfort in the chat at the time being extremely upset upon viewing this content. W.A only seemed to get angry with this, raising his voice (This was later cleared up as being another issue) so a strike was issued at the time. W.A only taken the situation further by harassing people in dms and harassing members of staff."

This is already something which i had a talk over on my discord and everyone over there was laughing about it.

For the beginning: Another friend of mine was in a bad mood and we wanted to cheer her up. She opend a "Jamspace" activity on Discord. To explain for people which doesnt know what it is: A Jamspace is basically a big white picture everyone who wanna take part in can draw on so people can basically draw all together random stuff on it and see what comes out at the end - imagen a "paint" where a lot people draw at ones.

what happend was, we did draw in 2 sittings since the pictures got to full. GLADLY for me, the said upset friend S A V E D the pictures which i can show and have literal prooves for:

The said samples:

https://imgur.com/a/6o8ZyVC

So in sitting 2, you can see a bikini picture which was the said "NSFW" one and drawn by me. Here is the thing: Where is this nsfw for you if youre honest? IN Sitting 1, so BEFORE my bikini drawning, someone literally DID draw a dick there which the admin "kindly" ignored so it seems wile my bikini picture was called out to be offensive for minors.

The thing was, we were like around 5-6 people in the sitting and the so called out part from the admin, that i, i quote it again "taken the situation further by harassing people in dms" is also wrong. What i asked was the people in dms if they really found it offensive and guess what: noone really cared BUT the admin and, again, the one said other person which already made problems in my 2. strike before AFTER said person got Dmed from the witch hunting admin (ah yes, if you split the beans you might didnt want to split right~?).

To keeping it short: I got a strike for that because of the bikini - the naked peeing dick was ok. Call out double standards here people~

Oh and for the last part, because i knew i got a strike i tried to defend myself and had even a TALK with the witch hunting admin, WHICH INFACT ADMIT INFRONT OF ME AND OTHER PEOPLE that she has a PERSONAL problem against me (for no reason) and disagreed with my opinion NOMATHER WHAT it is OR HOW right it actually could be, basically ADMITING AS WELL that she wanted me just off of the whole server.

End of the story is basically i got banned from the server as well as my friend which got called out in the 2nd strike here. Its funny still for us that sadly the witch hunting admin also spread the "cool aid" (in other words, she spread the lies around) and some people over at the server we were believes it - sad but true.

Though, some people DID left with our banns because they either knew they were "next", the admin didnt really provided real proovs of our banns OR they just knew that what the admin was telling was literally bullshit.

Never the less, since i basically own now my own discord and people are welcome to come over if they wanna see me streaming my art or play some games with people there. Its not much but people enjoy it there.

my link:

https://discord.gg/YpfkEDCQ (link only works for the next 7 days!!!)

--------

So yea, basically over all right now, i just hope my life works out better soon...i hate that i have only problems of a late, everywhere i go. Work is fine, yea but i feel kinda helpless at times there as well. Family is falling appart, mother in the care taker home, Discord i enjoyed i got banned and the story goes on and on...

I just hope i can take a breath soon and feel better soon. Life just...hits hard right now and im sorry if i just sounded like someone who only complains about it. I just wanted to write down off my shoulders so i feel a bit better about it...

"If people hear about "depression", they always think of a sickness or illness but its more misunderstood, very much even. Depression is not a sickness for a human. Depression is a human which just cant handle its emotions it has. If you think about it, People which see someone crying, they mostly say "stop crying" because they cant *see* someone crying. They dont know how to handle the situation and try to avoid it. It already begins when we are babies, sorta...

Do you know how often i heard from people to "cheer up" and i know they try to mean it well? I never wanna sound rude so i only nod and try to feel calm about it but honestly, if you think about it, noone really tackles the problems i or a human with depression has. it always ends up with being "veiled" from other people so that others around you feel well. "Happy pills", trying to wear basically a "Happy mask" or "cheering up". Noone really asks how a person *feels* which "suffers" from depression, they all mean well but, mostly, for their own good...

(literally i silenced up here a moment)

...which...kinda think of it, is really sad by itself..."

As of late i feel like i noticed a "trend" going around more known or long-time artists.

...No. This time im not talking about the fact that the most of them changed the characters into bimbofied whores, im talking about the fact that it seems like long-time artists and more known ones literally get worse and worse.

I mean...again i cant use samples here nor can i name someone but to go with "SOMETHING": go to some more known artists gallery and look at nowadays art - THAN look like 3-4 years agos art from the same artist.

It seems like a lot known/long-time artists lately got literally worse in their "level" or quallity of art,...like really worse. Some, so i noticed, are barely representing their style they are known for anymore but either draw literally the same anatomy over and over again, use washed up colors and lines or their style is literally nowhere to be seen anymore in their art.

Dont get me wrong here but isnt it normal as artist to actually improve over years and time of experiance? I mean i sure hope i do, if even slowly, but it seems like other more known artists get more and more lazy nowadays. Sorry but as i said, go to one artist you watch for a long time and check their art again, you might will see what im talking about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhvtpjkUjzo

March is over and i also took some days to write that so that the "silly mood days" are over and i can write down something more serious.

March was for me pretty productive being honest. I drawn a lot art i wanted to draw AND did draw some requests for some (new) friends i found on a server i enjoy to be on lately. The people respect me over there and enjoy my art . Next to this, i found some other nice artists there as well.

So yea, artwise march went super well and i still have ideas for what i can draw in the next days for sure.

Also im super happy i finally finished my game "Daredevil 2". With a (right now) 3.30 on newgrounds, im glad people enjoy it - though it is sad not many people pay really attention to it since it already got called on the servers i advertised it as a "small gem" since it really is that good. I dont like to say "yes it is" but if people say so and the play numbers are not really "that high"...it feels weird for me ^^; Still, im glad i finished it and people can now play it. It took a long time to finish it and, again, thanks for every help i got. I will try to update it maybe in the near future, though as i said so often, i really am in dire need of feedback for that.

So yea, march REALLY was a productive month for me as you saw. finished my biggest game yet and created my own AND requested art...thats a lot right? :3

THOUGH and here comes the important part - this WILL change in the near future.

At the middle of April, i will try to work again - which means i have to try to live my life in a rythm again and i will have less free time. This comes also down to my health problems which i have to work on W I L E i work (or try to work): They didnt got a lot better and i actually suffer more from panic-attacks and similar. This also comes from the situation im in: My mother which i take care off also doesnt feel so well - in fact, right now shes in hospital and im really worried about her since i duno what could happen. I dont think something "super bad" will happen (i dont even wanna say "it" since it feels like i always end up having bad luck with saying something like that...) but i already heard from the doctors that stuff needs to change and she might ends up in something like a "Nursing home" which could be complex to either GET or "pay", depending the whole situation we are in right now.

So right now, im really a bit "stressed" because of all of that and that all this..."stuff" happens nearly at ones. as i said, mom is in hospital, i begin to work soon after easter, etc. So yea...

Basically, expect me to draw not as much for some days as soon as i work (which is around mid april) since i need o fix a lot things in my life right now. I just hope right now everything will be fine as soon as i begin my work in some weeks.

So yea, thats all for now. Just wish me some luck i guess.

Long time watchers know i did also stuff in the past which is either not uploaded "somewhere" anymore or is just not online anymore to be found.

Just to say some stuff:

- Furiotic the Movies series

- the Starvixen game

- the space hunt downloadable version

Those are the more or less "more" requested stuff people want me to bring back and i really would, Faly (as for her part) as well. Again, the problem is that said stuff THERE at least is Adult/mature rated and hard to find someone hosting.

Upload pages like dropbox will not work in the long run since stuff gets really "big" in size and pages like p0rnhub changed their upload tos long ago.

I also think i did already a similar journal longer ago but yea, i know that some people want me to bring said "lost media" back but than, how? I want too for sure but its hard to do so tbh.

So yea, ideas are welcome for such stuff.

Thiiiiiiissss....ok...how should i start that...

Ok let me try it this way.

FIRST of all, i T R Y to go with samples here. I dont name original names (EVEN if some people kinda deserve to be named here) since i think what happend should stay "as it is right now" since the people and persons got "punished" already enough, at least "hopefully".

So...im honest here.

I always disliked the way how people just "create" something and sell it for a quick buck. Of course, they have all rights to...but what if they dont~?

A wile ago, again im going with different names and samples, an artist i follow got into something said artist didnt want to but did it to proof a point.

Heres the situation (which IS real though):

A more "known" artist did create an adopt for sale for around 300+ bucks. It was a furry. the design (this is the sample here now) was a bunny character with lila main fur, front white fur, darker purple feet and hand paws, long black hair and brown eyes. The sale went on and the "adopt" got sold for around 500 bucks.

Here is the thing though. 2 days AFTER the said adopt got SOLD, someone left a comment at the said mroe known artists page and posted a comment WITH a link that the adopt he just sold was very very VERY similar to someone elses, not really much known artists creation.

It indeed was: it was also a bunny character with lila main fur, front white fur, darker purple feet and hand paws and long (a bit mure curvy) black hair. Literally the ONLY differance was the eye color, which was green on this ones artist creation. Else it was "LITERALLY" a near perfect 1:1 creation. Imagen Garfield, just with an eyecolor change to make it more simple here.

And here is were the fun begins...

Said more known artist means he didnt know and he still sold his creation wile some fans from the other not so much known artist actually said he literally tried to rip the other, not so much known artist off.

In fact, the not so much known artist got TOLD about this and even he was like, yea...this is a bit "to" similar for a "unique" design there.

And oh boy, shots were fired but HERE is what i call "a dick move"~

The more known artist literally SAID and LAUGHED that he disrespected the lesser known artist for "trying" to "ruin his image" by calling him "thief" for stealing someones unique creation qhich is just an "odd coincidence" - in fact, some of his fans tried to attack the lesser known artist...because why not i guess.

And here i say, hats down to said lesser known artist~

Do you guys know what he did~? He actually, went on COURT with this :3

And hes the reason why for the most part at least from what i KNOW and HEARD: It was not even the reason that this other more known artist stole his creation, basically. it was more the reason because he thought he could get away with it AND being a literal asshole. :>

XD

Sorry but i loved that the lesser known artist went on court for this AND WON. YES. The More known artist told on court that he actually D I D know the design and that it somewhat exists but not a lot people were didnt know of the said lesser artist so he though he can just take it and nobody would care. Yes, this is what was told on court.

At the end, the known artist lost and had to pay the lesser known artist 60.000 Bucks for Copyright infringement and "slander and public insult" (i duno the real word of it which brigns you on court) XD

Im srs i love that the lesser known artist won and only shows yes, even if youre more known and do create adopts, you might should check twice what design you try to sell.

I posted this also because i saw designs, VERY PLAIN AND SIMILAR, which people try to sell but im sure is existing somewhat. Im not nameshaming here but just as hint here: A cat furry character with long black hair and normal white fur is sure already taken, as for ONE plain sample here...

Again, not nameshaming but...

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/51392341/

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/23914402/

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/21339488/

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/12246189/

This is just one sample and what i basically try to say is: if you create adopts, make sure that it is LITERALLY U N I Q U E . Such simple design is very similar to other designs and, even if in my sampel the design is somewhat simple, check always TWICE noone took it already.

thanks~ XD

Ok f. There was a bug (at least in the downloadable version) i had to fix with bulletcolision. So i updated the browser version as well , JUST IN CASE.

new version should be online in around 10 mins from this posted time...

PATCH NOTES

-----------------------------

1.0.5

• Shows on the top left corner now which version the game is (in black letters to fit the theme)
• (WAY) Better bullet spread
• Boss Inv. time got halfed
• In trade-off, bosses have around 15% more health overall
• Boss 3 got slightly harder
• Shop prices got changed (mostly lowerd)

Play it here:

Download it here:

https://gamejolt.com/games/daredevil2/792256

I finally found it again!

As of late i really see more and more and MORE of this..."deformed" characters.

Funny for me, i got reminded of something i nearly forgot...and said thing is already O V E R 10 years old and feel like way more "up to date" than ever.

...And im sure if you look at it you can only sadly nod nowadays~

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/7394893/

(direct link: https://d.furaffinity.net/art/zody/1329176487/1329176487.zody_popular_char_guide.jpg )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHueXau8rSg

Lemmings month is over and as i said, the first half went well, second i had some personal stuff which made stuff not easy for me - in fact i had a panic attack, felt left alone and basically my whole world was for a moment collapsing. Yes, it was that bad...but today i stand here and feel at least better to stay up and do stuff again.

As you might also noticed, i changed my avatar (on Sofurry, im sure it will randomly roll up sometimes~) to something which im sure maybe only die-hard adult cartoon fans know~

After all, i admited to myself that im basically a nsfw artist anyway and love the good old times so i thought about, yea, this might be fitting if somoen gets the ref.

Anyway, as i said, Lemmings month is over and it actually went pretty well (not talking about said last half though), at least artwise. I learned that a lot people actually do enjoy my Lemmings and that it is, for them, literally a call back to the good old times and i feel honored if they enjoy my art this way for sure heh. Again, i do enjoy the old times as well, a reason why i draw such old classics people might rememeber but dont get any credit anymore. This might doesnt grain me a lot of fame or money in the long run but again, as i always say, i dont do it for fame or money. I do it for me and if people enjoy it, thats the biggest payback for me.

Still i have a Ko-fi in case you would be so kind hahaha X3 i know right? heh :3

SOOOOOoooooo what are the ideas for this month...

Being honest, i have a small note here with a lot stuff written down, some of them will be some actual "re-Drawn" from picture i did in the past but wanna re-do. Some cute ones for some. I also wanna draw some more rare characters again like the Enderwoman, my Spies and, who knows, maybe i find finally the time to draw a good furiotic this month. Would be about time heh.

THOUGH, what i actually WANTED to tackle this month was something im basically pulling with me on my back since years.

Yes, i srsly wanna finish finally my biggest Game yet. Daredevil 2.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehhpKRll-k4

A friend of mine is working right now on the last boss sprites and as soon as those are done, i wanna try to really "fucking" focus on finishing the game. As i said so often, "it is basically nearly done" and it basically really is. the main gameplay, flow and enemies are already done. 80% of the shop is done. the biggest stuff missing is a game over screen, a winning screen and said boss fights...and i think those will take a wile to "even" them out. So i might ask people who wanna be "beta" testers soon or later before 1.0 release. Mostly to get the feedback if shop prices are "ok", bosses not TO hard and stuff like that - not sure but i will see, i just need the feedback as soon as it its done.

Again this was my MAIN schedule for this month but i might do even finish it next month, i have a L O T going on lately (literally) in rl that keeps me busy but as for now, i try to relax if i find the time for and go on with art. already have one art piece in the making with one of my other girls so stay tuned for that.

If you have ideas for art or what ever comments n stuff, feel free to leave it there mates~

Stay tuned hehehe :3